Merry Christmas

Doesn't feel like the right thing to say this year but we made it through the day. It had a rough start and a rough finish for Terry and I. In between was nice. I had my private time with Matt in the morning before Terry got up. I went through our picture album of Matt's that so many people helped pull pictures for right after Matt died. (Special thanks to Malinda and Mary for making that come together). I wanted to cry and I did, uncontrollably for a short while, because it was my time with Matt on Christmas. The chimes out on the deck were ringing softly. (I swear I hear them more now then I ever did before). After I was done with my private time I got ready for the day. While I was doing that Terry had her private time to cry. Then when I came back downstairs we had some time to cry together. All the crying was good. It had to get out so that we could spend the rest of the day without crying. Almost on cue as our sobs were subsiding, Mark, Malinda, and Molly (their dog) came in the door. Mark was wearing his newly received bathrobe over his clothes and declared it was time to open the presents in our robes and pajamas like we always do. So we proceeded to do just that. We spent the rest of the day talking, laughing, drinking eggnog, and watching dvds and movies. We had a lot of phone calls from family and friends. One of Matt's co-workers that we really don't know called. He told Terry that he always pretended like he knew what he was doing (he worked on computers, softwear, etc. like Matt) but that actually he would always have to step outside and call Matt each time someone asked him to do something. We both talked with Mary, who was at her Moms, right before dinner. That was tough. We then ate a fantastic meal prepared by Terry and afterwards we talked and laughed a lot more while playing dominos. When we realized it was midnight we helped Mark and Malinda get all of their stuff into the car to go home. Terry and I then talked, cried, and talked some more about the losses in our life in addition to Matt including her sister Jeannie, Matt's close friend Tripp, my co-workers teenage daughter Katie, both of my parents, and our dog Jessie. Why did this happen to us? When will it stop? We both know there is no answer to the first and the answer to the second is it won't. So we did take a tiny bit of comfort knowing that all of those lost to us are with each other. They are good. They don't need us to worry about them. They do need us to concentrate on ourselves and each other. I'm glad the day is done. It's one more "first" that we all made it through. It isn't what any of us wanted for Christmas but we did have some joy, comfort, and love during the day which is the most we could have hoped for.

We hope that all of you had the same. Love - Greg, Terry, Mark, and Malinda

All I Want For Christmas

On the way to work I heard Mirah Carey's 1994 "All I Want For Christmas Is You". In it she's declaring that she doesn't care about Christmas presents or lights; all she wants for Christmas is to be with her lover. As I was listening to the words I realized they pretty much summed up how we all feel right now; willing to give up any and all joy, presents, or cheer just to have the one thing we can't...Matt

The Great Pillow Hunt

So I've been on a pillow quest for quite some time now, looking for the perfect decorative accents for the couches. No one knew this more than Matt, who would tease me about my pillow obsession and weekly trips to Target and Pier 1 (among others) in search for these pillows I could never find. I could see them in my head, but no store could deliver on exactly what I wanted. After awhile I got frustrated and ended up buying a couple of plain navy pillows shortly after I moved into my single apartment, to hold me over until I found what I was really looking for. Almost immediately, Matt told me he did not care for the pillows and that they weren't even comfortable (he spent quite a lot of time on my couch). So weeks and months go by, still no pillows. It certainly wasn't for lack of me searching in stores and online. Matt would occasionally accompany me on these searches and would just shake his head when I walked out of the stores empty handed. I even bought one once and let it hang out on the couch for a week or so, then decided it wasn't right and returned it (again he just shook his head). Then finally I did find a pair one Saturday morning while Matt and I were out looking at things for the new apartment, they still weren't quite what I was looking for but after consulting with him and getting his approval I bought them.
Tonight I was out shopping and came across THE pillow, the closest I have found to what I've been looking for. At this point I had pretty much given up and figured my dream pillows didn't exist, but now I have the one to jumpstart my future pillow purchases and decorative accents. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I was excited about my find and immediately thought of Matt after my purchase because he knows how exhaustive this search has been for me. I know he would have had something to say about it, good or bad, if he were here when I came home and propped it on the couch. It probably would've been bad because our styles didn't always mesh. For that reason I am sure I will never part with the pillows that we did actually both agree on, reglardless of what style direction me and THE pillow go in.

The Great Pillow Hunt

So I’ve been on a pillow quest for quite some time now, looking for the perfect decorative accents for the couches. No one knew this more than Matt, who would tease me about my pillow obsession and weekly trips to Target and Pier 1 (among others) in search for these pillows I could never find. I could see them in my head, but no store could deliver on exactly what I wanted. After awhile I got frustrated and ended up buying a couple of plain navy pillows shortly after I moved into my single apartment, to hold me over until I found what I was really looking for. Almost immediately, Matt told me he did not care for the pillows and that they weren’t even comfortable (he spent quite a lot of time on my couch). So weeks and months go by, still no pillows. It certainly wasn’t for lack of me searching in stores and online. I finally did find a pair one Saturday morning while Matt and I were out shopping, they still weren’t quite what I had been looking for but after consulting with him and getting his approval I bought them.

Tonight I was out shopping and came across THE pillow, the closest I have found to what I’ve been looking for. At this point I had pretty much given up and figured my dream pillows didn’t exist, but now I have the one to jumpstart my future pillow purchases and decorative accents. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I was excited about my find and immediately thought of Matt after my purchase because he knows how exhaustive this search has been for me. I know he would have had something to say about it, good or bad, if he were here. It probably would’ve been bad because our styles didn’t always mesh. For that reason I am sure I will never part with the pillows that we did actually both agree on, regardless of what style direction me and THE pillow go in.

Random Thoughts

• Matt really wanted to take Mary to London to visit Alex, Liz, Andrew, and Kristi. He talked to me about it on several occasions.
• Matt and Mark playing pick up basketball in the driveway over the years with their friends - made me feel older than I should have felt!
• Watching the Simpsons with Matt. He seemed to have a special laugh that he only used then. Infectious. Soon the whole family would be hysterical.
• Matt and Mary were so happy playing Guitar Hero at the family vacation at the beach this summer. Entertained us for hours.
• Matt, and in years to follow, Mark were both so pumped to be running their respective parts of stage crew at West Forsyth High and were really into it. Terry and I went to each production - they were all good. Matt stepped out of his comfort zone and actually acted in a couple of productions. Terry and I couldn't be more proud of our sons. Stage crew is one of the few commonalities they shared. I'm glad they did.
• Matt, Mark, Terry, and me chasing each other around the yard of our house in NJ with Super Soakers, water hose, and buckets of water in the summertime...a variation on the same was chasing each other around the yard with the Lazer Tag guns. Terry and I did pretty well with the water, but I was awful at Lazer Tag. Always the first one out. Who do you think was the winner?
• Matt, Mark, and I spent hours and hours in the cold, gray, dreary winter weather in NJ building a luge course down the ravine at the back of our yard. It's amazing that none of us got seriously hurt sleding down the 70 yard course of ice, snow, and gigantic boulders in a metal saucer. Terry was afraid for all of us, but we had a blast
• Matt loved to play against us in tv Jeopardy in our family room. He was actually very good. Terry repeatedly encouraged him to try out for the show.
• As soon as Matt graduated from Elon he would show up with his dog Ginger at the end of a work week and hang with us for a couple of hours then be off on an adventure. Sometimes it was out of the blue from our perspective. I envy his spontaneity. We'd take care of Ginger and then he would show up again and hang with us for a while and we'd get to hear all about what he did. Later on this evolved to him and Mary dropping the dogs off and we got to know and love both Mary and Gracie.
• I miss some of the simplest things: getting a short email from him with a link to some website, talking to him on my way home from work, him calling to ask me a question, me calling him to ask a question, discussing popular tv shows, watching him use his iphone, being scared to death in the m3

Good ol' Matt (from Don West)

We were on our first lap at Virginia International Raceway and it was getting tense. Motors were racing, tires squealing and attitudes flaring in a friendly (no holds barred) race between the skilled and the unskilled. I was behind Matt as usual and tried to follow his line in hairpin turns and s curves. One of the other skilled drivers tried to get around me and we wrestled a turn pushing into the tire lined corners and wham...tires went flying. One bounced off my cart as we headed into the straightaway when I realized something was wrong....Matt was at a standstill and 20 feet wasn't enough to stop. Screeeeeeech...bam! It was a practice lap and apparently, I was the only one who didn't know. I was following Matt and he was not practicing...he never practiced...he raced. We had a few choice words and the race began. That first lap was the last time I saw the back of his cart and at the end of the race we laughed.

So was the four years we worked together. We raced and most of the time I watched from a distance as he ran his course. Every once in awhile I saw his tail lights but never the brake light.

We spent a lot of time together making IT work. He loved our work...put up with my half baked ideas and challenged me to LEARN. He was a true friend (not the ones who tell you what you want to hear) a natural leader/teacher and formidable challenger and one of the finest people I've ever known. That was Matt to me. We love him and miss him. I often reflect and catch myself wanting his opinion and most of the time I know it. He left an indelible mark and I'm so much better for knowing him. He was truly good and part of his legacy rests with me to carry on and provide for the other 94 employees and 400 relatives in his "Southland Family".

Living Life at 100 MPH

Matt lived his life at a pace that very few others could endure. This past summer, Andrew and I invited Matt and Mary to my brother's annual Black & White Party in the Poconos. Driving from Greensboro, North Carolina to the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania is almost exactly 500 miles; a solid 8 hour drive. Mary & Matt had looked into flights however if you remember, this past summer flights were absurdly expensive. Besides, the closest airport is an hour away from the house so they'd most likely need to rent a car as well. So Matt & Mary decided to drive and RSVP'd "yes." I was so excited that my friends from "down South" were coming up "North" for the party. Now, of course some other opportunites happened to present themselves the same weekend as the party. A Smashing Pumpkins concert in Raleigh, more specifically, on August 17th, the day after the party. Unable to turn down a concert with friends, Matt agreed to go to the show. Mary however was not interested in seeing the Smashing Pumpkins (again) and declined the invitation. What did this mean for Matt? It meant that on Friday, he'd drive 500 miles North to the Poconos, Pa. Saturday he would attend a formal Black & White Party and on Sunday, Mary and him would pack up and head 500 miles back to Greensboro. Matt would then drop Mary off at Greensboro, get back on the road yet again for Raleigh and a concert with friends. Matt and Mary didn't get up to the Poconos until 2 am on Saturday. We hung out and had a beer with them, then the ladies went to bed. I don't think the guys got to bed until 4 am. Saturday we all had lunch at the lake then the guys put together the grill we would use that night. That evening we had a great time at the party and Sunday morning Matt and Mary were packed and ready to go by 8:30 am. They made it safe and sound back to Greensboro and Matt was able to enjoy the Smashing Pumpkins Sunday night.

Not many people have the stamina and energy to maintain a lifestyle filled with adventure. Matt did!

That Matthew!

I'm trying hard not to get sad over Matt not being with us in the flesh at Christmas. One thing that keeps me smiling instead of crying are the memories of waking up in the morning, coming downstairs, looking out the window, and seeing my cute little reindeers and sleigh in the front yard. The problem was Matt had been home and had positioned my cute little reindeer to be humping for all the children and neighbors to see. That Matthew! I can't tell you how many times he did that over the years, but he thought he was so funny I kept putting them out there every year, knowing he got such a kick out of getting a rise out of me.