Merry Christmas

Doesn't feel like the right thing to say this year but we made it through the day. It had a rough start and a rough finish for Terry and I. In between was nice. I had my private time with Matt in the morning before Terry got up. I went through our picture album of Matt's that so many people helped pull pictures for right after Matt died. (Special thanks to Malinda and Mary for making that come together). I wanted to cry and I did, uncontrollably for a short while, because it was my time with Matt on Christmas. The chimes out on the deck were ringing softly. (I swear I hear them more now then I ever did before). After I was done with my private time I got ready for the day. While I was doing that Terry had her private time to cry. Then when I came back downstairs we had some time to cry together. All the crying was good. It had to get out so that we could spend the rest of the day without crying. Almost on cue as our sobs were subsiding, Mark, Malinda, and Molly (their dog) came in the door. Mark was wearing his newly received bathrobe over his clothes and declared it was time to open the presents in our robes and pajamas like we always do. So we proceeded to do just that. We spent the rest of the day talking, laughing, drinking eggnog, and watching dvds and movies. We had a lot of phone calls from family and friends. One of Matt's co-workers that we really don't know called. He told Terry that he always pretended like he knew what he was doing (he worked on computers, softwear, etc. like Matt) but that actually he would always have to step outside and call Matt each time someone asked him to do something. We both talked with Mary, who was at her Moms, right before dinner. That was tough. We then ate a fantastic meal prepared by Terry and afterwards we talked and laughed a lot more while playing dominos. When we realized it was midnight we helped Mark and Malinda get all of their stuff into the car to go home. Terry and I then talked, cried, and talked some more about the losses in our life in addition to Matt including her sister Jeannie, Matt's close friend Tripp, my co-workers teenage daughter Katie, both of my parents, and our dog Jessie. Why did this happen to us? When will it stop? We both know there is no answer to the first and the answer to the second is it won't. So we did take a tiny bit of comfort knowing that all of those lost to us are with each other. They are good. They don't need us to worry about them. They do need us to concentrate on ourselves and each other. I'm glad the day is done. It's one more "first" that we all made it through. It isn't what any of us wanted for Christmas but we did have some joy, comfort, and love during the day which is the most we could have hoped for.

We hope that all of you had the same. Love - Greg, Terry, Mark, and Malinda