Super Bowl Sunday

One of my favorite days of the year. Family, friends, food, football. What's not to like? OK, so most of the time the game isn't that good and lately the commercials haven't been that interesting. But you still have family, friends, and food! And when your team is actually playing its GREAT.

We've been to a lot of different places to watch over the years, mostly at other peoples houses. Here's some of my most memorable and most enjoyable (not necessarily the same) games from over the years.

One year we went to some friends, Mike and Julie's, apartment. It was the whole gang I worked with at Kobacker's in Ohio. It's memorable because of the good time we all had partying. There were TVs all over the place including the bathroom. Lots of food and beer. Don't remember who was playing the game though.

Another memory is when we went up the street to the neighbors. Mark was about 9 or 10 and went with us. He was friends with their son. Matt was about 13 or 14 and he didn't come - he didn't want to go anywhere we went during those years. He had plans to watch at his friends house. We only stayed at the neighbors until half time because they had two little girls that could not talk without screaming at such a high pitch that I thought my eardrums were bleeding. So I told Terry I was leaving and we walked down the street 4 houses to our own. Once inside we all noticed that the door to our basement (that has a dead bolt!) had been forced open. The whole door frame was smashed to bits. I don't remember being afraid although I'm sure I was but went downstairs to find the same thing had happened to the door to the outside through the garage. I don't remember the exact sequence of events anymore but probably went through out the house to see what else was wrong. Well to our surprise Matt was at home in his room. It turns out HE was the one that broke in, kicking down 2 doors to do it! His reason was that he was mad that we weren't home when he got there. He knew we were up the street and didn't even bother to come up there. Needless to say we were furious with him and there was a lot of screaming and yelling. Let's just say this was a glimpse into the turbulent years with Matt, but none the less a memorable super bowl, again no idea who played or who won.

Another Superbowl was spent at our friends, Ronnie and Randy's, house. Great food, good times with family and friends. Both boys were with us. Ronnie and Randy's boys were there and maybe some others- not sure. I remember sitting in a blow up Miller Lite chair that kept deflating. It was all good.

After that most of my memories are watching the game from the house. Its' amazing how many times Mark and Matt came over for our intimate Superbowl parties once we got the big screen TV. All kidding aside, those are my best memories - the boys, their girlfriends and maybe some friends, Terry, and me watching the game. I'd rearrange the room and make sure all the couches and chairs were facing the TV. Of course you had to climb over some to get in and out of the room. Terry would make sure the food just kept on coming: wings, meat balls, chips, salsa, hot pastry thingys. Fantastic!

This year will be another first. (I don't like most of the "firsts" anymore). Terry and I are going to Matt's close friend Justins parents for the game. Mark and Malinda are having close friends to their house for the game. And Matt, well I won't get to share his enthusiam for the Steelers this year as they fight for number six. I'll miss that. Matt is a die hard Panthers fan, no doubt, but if the Panthers aren't in the mix he was right there for the Steelers. He always made it a point to take me, Terry, and Mark to the pre-season Steelers/Panthers games in Charlotte.

I toyed with the idea of going to the game. Terry and Mark encouraged me. Matt definately would have wanted us to, in fact he would have probably put the whole thing together and the 6 of us would be in Tampa right now. I just didn't have it in me, maybe because I didn't want to do it without him. Anyhow, I know that he'll be with us all, no matter where we are, cheering along side of us.

GO STEELERS!!!

Happy New Year

Well it is New Year's Day. Had a party last night to put an end to this horrible year, put it behind me in search for a better one this year. Mary and her mom Cindy came, Ginny and David, Mike and Linda, Mike and Meg and Maddie, Trish and Paul from Columbus. We had my "special egg nog" more than a few lemon drops, and what ever we were drinking at the in between times, and damn it Mary you didn't take the sweet tea vodka home with ya. Thank you friends and family, I can’t tell you how much this meant to us. Today we kinda slugged, however I got my lazy ass together around noon to make some pancakes, then reheated and put out leftovers while we watched our Nittany Lions bite the dust. Greg and I met at Penn State, his sister Trish’s husband also went there as well as their son Gordon. So that loss really sucked. Paul and Trish then took us to dinner at a steak house that was excellent. I don't have to cook for awhile to boot, thank you very much.

I convinced myself that having a party and liberating myself by putting the year to an end would miraculously make Jeannie, my sister who passed in June, and my son Matt's death be done with, over, over, thru. I woke up this morning, and it will never be done, over, thru. It will always be with me, I try to wake up later in the day, cause when I do wake, the realization is my firstborn baby is gone. Then I try to get on out of bed. I thank God for Greg, because he has coffee waiting for me.

It is now a new year and I set out goals for myself. I am joining some sort of Y or gym not only for fatass control but for actual interaction with people, I've shut myself away for a long time. I will still be me, and like Matt was like me, you can be my friend or not. If you ask me my opinion, expect to get it, and I want yours. Doesn't mean I have to agree with it. Doesn't mean we can't be friends. Just means we can be honest with each other. The petty stuff never set with me before and let me tell ya, I really can't tolerate any of it now. It is like I want to scream when someone is relaying some petty beef which I normally would get riled up about and now it's like, you don't know aggravation, you don't have a clue.

Both of my sister's have told me over the years Matt is just like you, and that is why you can't get along . I clamped down what I used to be, to be the good wife, to be the good mom, and I forgot who Terry was, and somewhere she still is...just gotta find a way to bring her back to surface. I've been trying to be strong for Greg, Mark, Mary, Mom, Dad, Jeannie's husband Mike, Cary, and more. Someone else out there has to do this now. Right now I have to get me ok...I'm only looking for ok here. I know I have to live with this, I know I have to go on, I just want to be ok, and by hell or high water I am going to find Terry again.

I love you Matt and as I once told you there is nothing you can do that will stop me from loving you. I may not like you, (we're talking the teenage years here) but I have always and will always love you.